Have you heard about Purposeful Parenting?
Purposeful Parenting begins by thinking about the final result, the healthy, happy and productive adult parents hope their children will become. Children are born with the drive to learn, to contribute, to grow and to connect with others. Before the child can learn new skills, think creativity and be productive, basic needs such as food and sleep, the need to feel safe, and the need to feel loved, accepted and valued, must be met. Unmet needs cause stress. Too much stress can be toxic. Toxic stress affects growth and brain function and can prevent a child from becoming a healthy, happy and productive adult.
- is:
- Being Protective
- Being Personal
- Being Progressive
- Being Positive
- Being Playful
- Being Purposeful
These pro-active behaviors relieve toxic stress in your child and release the inborn drive to grow, to learn, to contribute and to connect with others.
Being Protective means meeting basic needs of food and water and sleep and exercise. Being Protective means helping your child feel safe. Being Protective does not mean hovering and introducing the dark shadow of paranoia into your child’s life.
Being Personal means showing love and acceptance, being kind and gentle and using competence, the performance of a real deed, to build real confidence. Competence builds confidence. Being Personal does not mean name calling of your child or of others. Actions and words can be mean and hurtful, but your child is not mean or hurtful; the action is mean or hurtful.
Being Progressive means recognizing and adapting to change. Read about child development and react to the changes in your child as they grow. Use positive words with your child referencing specific shared events. Teach the desired behavior and celebrate together when you child demonstrates the desired behavior.
Being Positive means loving the child and separating the child from the behavior. Use punishments such as time outs and removal of special privileges such as television. Negotiate consequences of behavior. Always connect consequences to behavior. Being Positive means building confidence by catching your child practicing healthy, happy, productive behavior.
Being Playful means practicing new skills in safe, low consequence environments like reading stories together. Being Playful means being involved in play with your child. Let your child lead and also be a follower. Be creative.
Being Purposeful means being protective, personal, progressive, positive and playful even when you are struggling with your own needs. Children need to be successful with language, social skills and self-control. Model behavior. Every waking hour around your child you are on stage. Look for the hidden needs behind behavior. Crying may be the child’s way of expressing fear, exhaustion or the need for attention. Redirect the expression of their need to more socially acceptable ways.
Seek a professional counselor to help you and your partner commit to and engage in Purposeful Parenting. Together you are shaping your child’s life. Their future is in your hands. Make the commitment.